Some people don't make great teachers... so imagine what would happen if they were teaching magic!
Join us as we try to out-do one another with the worst person we can imagine having as instructor for magic. Expect to laugh, and to be suddenly grateful that any bad classes didn't include having to learn hexes...
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Read the full transcript below. (Please note that it's automatically generated and while the AI is super cool, it isn't perfect. There may be misspellings or incorrect words on occasion).
You're listening to The Am Writing Fantasy Podcast and today's publishing landscape. You can reach fans all over the world. Query letters are a thing of the past. You don't even need a literary agent. There is nothing standing in the way of making a living from writing. Join two best selling authors who have self published more than 20 books between them now onto the show with your hosts, Autumn Birt and Jesper Schmidt.
Hello, I am Jesper
and I'm Autumn
This episode 132 of the am writing fantasy podcast. And I'm looking forward to this one because You going to do one of our competitive top 10 list today. And a perhaps you want to say what the topic of today's lists are and what we are trying to beat each other at all of them. Oh, so today is topic. I've noticed that I think you even came up with the idea of this competitive list. I think this was just, this might be unhealthy for you. You want to compete so much today's topic. So we are going to talk about the 10 worst people to teach magic.
Jesper (1m 14s):
And this is definitely going to be fun. I was having giggle fits, trying to come up with M characters. I would never want teaching me magic.
Autumn (1m 24s):
So this will be interesting. Just see who comes up with the worst. Like yeah. That's, that's it. We have to include body. And then she was like, well, it's more like the combined five worst ones. Right? So it's more like who made the best or the worst list, the best worst lists. That's a, not the best, worst at it. Yes. I'm not confusing it all.
Jesper (1m 52s):
No, not at all.
Autumn (1m 53s):
And that's a bit, I had tons of time to work on this because it rained all weekend here. So I had some good thinking time. How about you? We were probably on a refereeing again.
Jesper (2m 10s):
Yeah. And indeed. Yeah. So I was just coming up with my list is wanting, so I have not thought about it as much as you have a apparently. Yeah. We'll see how it goes. I I'm confident in my list.
Autumn (2m 24s):
Of course. Well, you usually AR, but we usually give you a reason for your money. You, so we'll see. How are you saying I'm too confident possibly. You need to be a little more humble and admit that I have some pretty good lists.
Jesper (2m 42s):
Yeah, well, yeah. I do admit that. Do you have a top-notch like this, but mine are just like a, a bit above, so we will see, I don't think that all the listeners agree with you.
Autumn (2m 55s):
Thank you, Dominic.
Jesper (2m 56s):
Oh, no, we don't bring that up again.
Autumn (2m 60s):
So how are things over in Denmark?
Jesper (3m 3s):
A it's as good as good as a you and I, we actually interviewed on a field as a storyteller, a podcast yesterday a, which was quite fun by the way. I'm but I'm mentioning that because during that product cost, I set how I finished watching American gods on Amazon prime and a I've mentioned how much I love this show on a few of our past episodes here. So, and I also mentioned that I feared that this show was canceled by the end of season three soda, there was no satisfying ending. And that was exactly what I found out. It happened because I finished up watching the American gods over the last week.
Jesper (3m 44s):
So that's really annoying a, I still think it's a great show and I still would recommend people watching it. But then yesterday, or because I was preparing for this podcast episode, I did actually did a bit of digging and a bit of research. And it seems like that American gods might get a proper ending made either as a minister series of perhaps a movie. So, oh, but I don't know if that's just rumors or true, but that's what I could sort of find, but I really hope that that'll happen because I don't know why do the network's do that? I mean, I hate when they create a series and then just suddenly decide just to stop it in the middle of things.
Jesper (4m 26s):
I mean, couldn't, they at least let the writer's room note at, we are going to end up at the end of this season. So we come up with some sort of it. I don't, I don't get it. Why is that? They're so difficult. I agree. I think it would be nice to not have it open-ended contract and be like, this was going to be a four seasons. And you know, if you do well, we'll come up with like another one or two. But I mean, I've definitely heard Netflix prefers shows is that only like two season. So that's why I thought it made it a three is a pretty good, but I mean that it's like you to look at supernatural if it was 16, 17 season's I mean, I, and I watched them all at the mall, but then we see others that are a perfectly good shows on what you can at least let them, let the people wrap it up.
Autumn (5m 8s):
And that happened with Lucifer, which I saw the final episodes of that just came out and I want to watch it, but Adam's is not back yet. And we've watched the whole thing together. So I'm waiting till he was returned so we can finish out the series, but that was nearly there nearly stopped it. And they did give the writer's a chance to write the one last series. Thank goodness, because I hate stories that are left hanging. Yeah, man, I just find it weird because I mean, surely I mean, no problem that a network decides to locate, we don't think that there is no enough views on the series and therefore we wanna end it. No problem. I fully get that.
Jesper (5m 48s):
That's fine. But what, I don't understand this, that they would know that ahead of time is not something that they all of a sudden realize that there is no sails this stuff, right? They will. No. So why can't you just tell the writer's room? Okay. We're going to do six S episodes more and then you need to wrap it up by the end of that, because there's probably not going to be anything else. You don't know how, how can that B oh, you know, it planning is okay. So maybe then all the producers are a pants or is, and then just kinda like a wake up one morning and going, no we're done. And then just keep going. We cut the strings, right. They're yeah. But, but, but the thing is it still, it's still a product that they are selling to the a consumer's here, right?
Jesper (6m 32s):
I mean, as a user of Netflix or Amazon prime or whatever, a, if I constantly get series on a streaming service that is ended abruptly with no prep, I mean, I'm probably start going to dislike. It's a streaming service. 'cause every time I watch this show on it, it doesn't end properly. Whereas if, if they plan for it and always close to a series, well a or as well as they can, at least then they should also be getting more happy customers and thereby more people watching a streaming service. So I, it feels like this shooting themselves in the foot. I don't quite understand why. Yeah. I agree. And then you have some of the writer's, you know, something is popular and enough fans asked for it, then other ate, you know, a star as someone else might pick it up.
Jesper (7m 20s):
And I've seen that happen where like the first three series are in Netflix and the next six are in stars or HBO max. And it's just like, okay. It just, it just gets confusing. But I don't know. I guess the world makes even less sense. Then we realized, yeah. And you have a show like a, well, it's old now, but as you all like Firefly, which it's just like really, really liked that it was so good. And the was so much demand in the fan community that they wanted more of it, but nobody made it known. So they did come up with that movie. And honestly, I, I thought the movie, it was horrible and I did a huge disservice to the actual series.
Jesper (8m 4s):
So that's the other problem. Yeah. So anyway, that was sort of my week.
Autumn (8m 11s):
What about you all as well, as you know, I mean, I'm currently so alone as my husband's off a whitewater raft, guiding and learning to that kind of stuff. So I get to hear every night about his M events of falling into hydraulics and holes and having the raft go over is just absolutely it stuff I would of totally loved in my twenties, but I have to admit, there's a part of me looking at him now, going, you're giving up at like five year and a bus to go rafting, buy five 30, your off the bus. It at like five 30, you have less than an hour to eat something. Before you go back for some evening classes on a raft guiding, like can say you can't up with you.
Autumn (8m 57s):
So usually he and I was like, we telegram each other and were telegram. You, you know, when he was away visiting us as parents or I'm away, we were like telling screaming at each other, like every hour and sending each other a stickers and things. And I hear from him for like about 15 minutes now, I was like, this was a really weird to not even hear from him more than that. So that's definitely been an adaption. And plus it rained, like I mentioned all weekend and I'm in a tiny cabin in the woods and its pouring down bucket's so I can't even go for a walk and I've all alone out here. And I'm like, OK, I'm a little bit of cabin fever. Like he do leave. So I do go there and walk at least yesterday, I'm thinking of some of the dog and they keep me entertained.
Autumn (9m 40s):
But yet there's definitely a time. And you're like, I'm not used to being this alone. There was a time I used to be this alone, but this was a really a loan. Yeah. I can see it. And you want some locks on your doors is, well, the worst thing out here is the 300 pound black bear when he was a shy little thing. And then we have a raccoon that is figured out how to open a cooler outside of the little bugger, a eye. But besides that, the scariest thing in the woods or people, and no one else really knows where this cabin is. So I'm not that worried about people, but yeah, people are scary. I started watching a Netflix show on true horror stories. Don't do that.
Autumn (10m 25s):
So people are mean to you just don't wanna do with ghosts. And so then they get a deal with other people. Yeah, that's a recommendation passed on then. Absolutely.
Narrator (10m 40s):
Oh a week on the internet with The Am Writing Fantasy Podcast.
Jesper (10m 46s):
So I've started working on something new, what's a autumn and I will make available to all our listeners and the author community. It is still in the very early conceptual stage, but we are planning to put out a few master classes and I don't think it will be ready until the fall a but the idea of is that these will be some meetings so that everybody can join from the safety of their home and there will be a, a recording and all of that good stuff for those who can't join live. And then there should, that's gonna, it's gonna be so that it, by the end of it, we're going to hook up some sort of a mastermind, two, it, but a lot more on that later, once it becomes relevant, I am excited about it.
Autumn (11m 36s):
It, yeah, yeah. Go ahead and say, oh, I just think it was going to be, it would just be such a great opportunity to reaching out with other authors. And I actually am, might've picked up a life coaching course. That'll kind of go hand in hand with helping learning some more new, fresh coaching techniques. So I think this will be really kind of fit well in it. It will definitely.
Jesper (11m 60s):
Yeah. But we'll see you. But I would really also like to put together some sort of a, you know, the first ever Am Writing Fantasy in-person event in 2022, I don't know. Do you think that will be possible with COVID-19 and all of that? As long as what of these new new, new variants are going to rule the world?
Autumn (12m 19s):
There has been a wonderful research coming out of Brazil. That seventy-five percent is the threshold. If you get a vaccinated above 75%, it is pretty much contained the virus. And if he hit 95%, its like, basically you're fine. The everything is fine. And there was like, no COVID death's so I'm really hopeful a 20, 22, because I would love, I love and person conferences and working with students and more than a zoo actually like spending time. So that would be fantastic. Yeah. I would really like to put some in-person event together for next year and I think that would be really nice. I did hear though it as well, that that was some people in, I think it was Norway that they were vaccinated and then they got COVID-19 anyway and they went to the hospital and they actually died.
Jesper (13m 15s):
So I, yeah, the, so I'm not trying to be a downer, but I ju I'm just not so a, a a hundred percent convinced that those vaccines are actually the wonder sort of how it will fix everything in medicine that may be some people think it is.
Autumn (13m 31s):
Yeah. There's always a chance of a mutation. That'll be different and go around that. So that's what makes me nervous. So we'll have to see. Yeah. And the vaccine is not a a a hundred percent either. It doesn't give a a hundred percent protections. So you, you cannot be sure, but ah, but lets say we'll keep on a, an eye on things. However it evolves and a, if it goes well and maybe next year will put some sort of all of these trials.
Jesper (13m 56s):
So she, if there's enough interest four and an event for my next year in-person but let's see, we'll come back from that. Okay. Anything else to mentioned before we go into our lists? Autumn?
Autumn (14m 8s):
Oh, you know what? I had something I thought of and it's a completely out of my head. I'm blaming the pollen. It's a, I think the locus tree is decided to bloom now the sun's out and yeah, my brain has a little, so we do it for next time. It, when I remember it. Okay.
Narrator (14m 28s):
And onto today's topic. So
Jesper (14m 31s):
Let's start out by reminding listeners of the ground rules here. Just in case we have some new listeners joining us today. I didn't know if there was this a rules that is good, but there is a, a, a reminder here. Oh, all right. What are the roles? The idea with the alternating lists is that we try to come up with the best suggestions and by the end we should conclude, ah, we have the best five suggestions. And so that was pretty simple. And straight-forward five, a C I thought that was always just like the best, worst one.
Autumn (15m 9s):
I think you were changing the rules. I mean, I have to go back and watch one of the other lists.
Jesper (15m 14s):
Yeah. You do do that. And then come back and tell me I'm right. Because it's about having the best list. So a of course, if you have the best entry on the list and there is a good chance to lift as a whole as also the best, but if you need to have the best list, right.
Autumn (15m 28s):
I disagree is in my mind, is it always been like that? And it, then it, it is like that because that's how I remember it. I will find proof if I probably can find some time to go find some proof. I think you're and I think it was just like to do that.
Jesper (15m 45s):
Yeah. Probably. It's probably a pretty good bat. Wow. So as you mentioned that at the top of the episode today is list will be to chop 10 WORST People to Ever Teach Magic. We decided that this can be completely made of people, although they don't have to be. So that's up to each of us, whatever you want to include on to this. So I think that's just set us off well enough or then I think so. I, I think I already know you have me wondering what's going on. You're changing the ground rules. I'm not sure I liked this and not at all at all. And just reminding you of what the rules were just, they've always been like that.
Jesper (16m 28s):
You would just agree. Alright. So how are you flipping a coin to C who goes first? Or did you want me to ease us into this? I actually think that last time I got to decide who went first, if I remember correctly.
Autumn (16m 43s):
So you should decide this time. All right. I'm going to have you go first then. Yeah. Last time I, I ask you to go from us as well though. It seems like there is a pattern here maybe as best not to go first, baby. I always like to go second and speeches like glasses. So that way you weren't the first one, you got an out of the way it really quickly. And then you could just get back and enjoy it. So I'll go number two.
Jesper (17m 10s):
Okay. Okay. Okay. Well, so my number five, which is like the least of the bath, what do you do? Something like that. At least a worst of the bad ones. So it sounded very complicated. So a number five and this one I call misses, what did I tell you? A oh, and now this is not meant in a scolding kind of way, right? It is. In fact men meant in a, I don't remember what I just told you.
Jesper (17m 50s):
Wait, so this is a teacher who has absolutely zero short-term memory. So imagine how terrible that would be. You know, like every single lesson you start over, we were like 25 times because she can't remember what you just told you, what was she taught you? And then yeah. Yeah. And then you might try to get clever. And then you think that you're going to invent some sort of system. So, you know, it will keep her on track, but the problem, as you can remember that a system either. So it, it doesn't matter what you're do. She's just laughing all the time, this chart. And like I was at the spells, we were working and they'll spend a half your time doing a whiteboard chart structure of this is where we are.
Jesper (18m 35s):
And this is where we were going. This is what you said, do you, at least he has a good longterm memory. Is she still remembers her smells. But yeah, because we imagine you were going halfway through something and then she thinks she was actually doing a different spell and he'll turn it into like a mushroom Tony and that's that you put it on the board. And then all of a sudden she was stop and say, why is that a bot? They're like, what is this a,
Autumn (19m 1s):
I think I'll be looking for it. Another teacher, she, you don't have to be the only person in the universe who could teach magic for me to put up with that. I'd be getting her lots of just like pretty annoying. But yeah, it's just, it helps memory and I'm sure there's got to be a spell it for that. So she could only remember is, well,
Jesper (19m 23s):
yeah, but yeah, memory is spelled up. Might help. So she can find one a, hopefully she has some book's sitting around that. It might be a better, a better bet is to just go with whatever books she's gotten a house.
Autumn (19m 40s):
Yeah. Okay. All right. So do you want to know my number five?
Jesper (19m 45s):
Autumn (19m 46s):
All right. So this is my easing into your worst potential teachers is that you actually find a magical dragon who is willing to teach you. So you're going to have a dragon as you're instructor. However, the deal, I know it sounds perfect, right? Just the deal is if you get the spell wrong, he gets to eat you. Why did you take yeah. And considering, I mean, do you have to decide if you trust the dragon enough to like set you up, like a smell that is not going to work?
Jesper (20m 28s):
I don't think that many students will survive that for very long.
Autumn (20m 32s):
I don't know if the dragon care.
Jesper (20m 35s):
No, probably not, but a, I don't think it will. It'll get too sort of a graduate very many people.
Autumn (20m 42s):
Well, if you do, you're going to be an awesome wizard.
Jesper (20m 46s):
Oh yeah, for sure. And you're going to a drag and as your friend afterwards.
Autumn (20m 51s):
Yeah, exactly. So I thought it would be a good start, something massive and very powerful. That gets a little snacky. Occasionally. Yeah. Snuggie on students.
Jesper (21m 5s):
Yeah. I don't know that this isn't your toes.
Autumn (21m 10s):
Imagine not turning it in your homework assignment. Just go.
Jesper (21m 16s):
I think at least what will happen is the students will try really hard not to make mistakes, but a vision you bunk to make a mistake. It you're learning. Right. So you are bound to make a mistake sooner or later. Yeah. That's a good nuts. So that is a pretty horrible teacher, for sure. Yes. Alright. Well at least you, you can appreciate that. Won a little bit. You get to see a dragon. So it's like, Hey, you are not that impressed. I can tell you all, we always love dragon. So you just put a dragon and then everybody will always like that. So I didn't think that I should have how I'm doing.
Jesper (21m 56s):
Good for a number one. All right, lets go for four. Okay. So number for this teacher, a teacher, yeah. Is a heavy, heavy smoker. She's a gambler cheese and C and she probably has the worst quality and teacher can have a gun. You get to what that is. All of them was just like the worst quality of a teacher. Well being always right. I'm not sure. I'm not a, I'm not a, a, well, okay.
Autumn (22m 32s):
I teach writing, but I don't know what trying to think of how all the teachers of my life, who of annoyed me and most of them are the ones that never listened to their students. Yeah. That's not bad is. Yeah. Basically its like she doesn't care one bit about teaching. So that's pretty on top of that. I would do it. OK. Yeah.
Jesper (22m 53s):
She doesn't care it all about teaching it. In fact she disliked her students. I have actually prepared, but this teacher a bad, oh no. You of an audio clip. Oh fantastic. All right. Let's hear this worst teacher. So see if you can a hear who this is. OK. Here it goes.
Character Voice (23m 18s):
So I don't want you to worry class. These tests will have no effect on your grades. They merely determine your future social status and financial success. If any, do you know who that is?
Autumn (23m 33s):
I was at the tip of my tongue, but I cannot say I can't think of the name.
Character Voice (23m 39s):
Do you want to hint that?
Autumn (23m 40s):
I do remember it. Yeah. I want a hit.
Character Voice (23m 44s):
It's a character from the Simpsons. It's a Simpsons.
Autumn (23m 49s):
O is it the, yeah, she is a brunette. I can't even think of her name though. It really can't.
Character Voice (23m 56s):
And I'll try and just see if I can pronounce it correctly. Misses crap up a crop, apple or something like that was a crab apple.
Autumn (24m 6s):
Yeah. I'll <inaudible> yeah, something like that. I can't even pronounce it, but yes I do remember her.
Jesper (24m 16s):
Oh, magic teacher. That would mean that was pretty me. I think it was. So she would be one of the worst teacher's you could have, especially around fireballs a, you know, I think that the school will be on fire rod. It quickly when she was taking like a break and smoking and she doesn't really care what the kids are doing with the spells.
Autumn (24m 35s):
Yeah. That would be bad. So it would be bad. But I have to admit as a student and her class, you could probably get away with pretty close to murders so that it might actually probably it probably yes. See the, is the magic toads, a neutral running around the room and the Al coming and eating someone's frog and it was just chaos.
Jesper (25m 3s):
One of my class I might actually do well. Okay. So you don't think she stepped out of a teacher then?
Autumn (25m 10s):
There is. And I was just a horrible teacher, but I'm just thinking of a classroom chaos as a student would be a blast, but it wouldn't be like, you don't have a fear of getting Eaton.
Jesper (25m 19s):
So it's kind of a nice yeah, but you would, unless you are like at the top of the pyramid, you, you would need to be worried about getting bullied because she don't give a crap care.
Autumn (25m 32s):
You would have to be, you would have to either have you're a little posse that you are teamed up and no one's going to pick on you or B be her meiny and to be like this zap, zap, zap to be done with it is shoot.
Jesper (25m 46s):
All right. But it wasn't bad. Okay. But it wasn't a dry and then okay. I can agree that dragon is a bit more terrifying. Yeah. Alright.
Autumn (25m 59s):
So you're ready from my number four, then this one's pretty simple. A is just, you're going to have a teacher, your teacher today for magic one-to-one is a super intelligent AI that has absolutely no magic abilities, but understands the theory very well. Okay. Good luck.
Jesper (26m 22s):
Is it able to explain how to actually do this building?
Autumn (26m 26s):
Is it understands? The theory can tell you the ingredients, you know, wave your hands, the pronunciation. But if there's something, some other essence that you have to draw, especially like a emotions, are it doesn't understand emotions at all. So if there is some other layer like, like in our spells, like you have to be happy or you're pooling on something internal where you believe in yourself, it doesn't get that. Just try. Yeah. Here's a book. Good luck. And I'll see you.
Jesper (26m 58s):
It would be difficult, but it might not be the worst teacher because I think it can teach people some, some of it, at least I think you, you might not be as you might not be the best spill cost off the word, but I think it can teach you some spills or at least probably you could get something out of it.
Autumn (27m 18s):
And I think if you could figure out whatever that ingredient is that it probably doesn't know since it doesn't have magic, maybe you could actually do it very well. If you could kind of figure out what's missing, but until you hit that point, it would probably be the most frustrating experience of having no, you are trying it wrong. Please attempt to spell number three again, just so we found it in my head against a wall O actually that reminds me a, of what was called a, I think it was just, oh my God, I'm sorry. Now I forgot the name of it. But we watched a friends' a, I think it was a friend's movie.
Jesper (27m 59s):
You, you have the week a where it is also a scifi movie. Its like somebody wakes up in a, like a cryo chamber and they can't get out and there is something wrong and a cryo chamber. So it, so it's running out of air and there is an AI managing it so she can talk to the AI and all that. And it's, it's actually done really well because Dai just follows commands. Right. So she has to think about how can I get out of this and find the right, because the AI knows it at all all the time, but it doesn't think about suggesting anything to her and that's not what he does. Is it just, if you ask it something, it will reply like, yes I can do this or no cannot be done a or something.
Jesper (28m 44s):
So, and is quite interesting. And at the end as well, it doesn't mean I don't even know it kind of where the name of it. I can't go look it up. Yeah, no, but, but at, at any rate she comes up with a solution in Indiana that you could probably have done in within the last two first two seconds if she had just thought of it. And that, that was actually quite neat. That is quite kind of good.
Autumn (29m 5s):
Oh, I like that. So it's a fair you again, you admit having an AI as a teacher could be a very interesting, horrible teacher. You just you'd have to be best for.
Jesper (29m 18s):
Yeah. Well I did that. No, because I, I guess what I'm saying is that it's actually not that bad as if a teacher, so you just have to be able to out-think your teacher, which could be difficult.
Autumn (29m 34s):
Yeah. That is difficult. Yes. All right. Well, we'll see. I'm glad you agreed with me. So we will go to your number three.
Jesper (29m 42s):
You're putting worded in my mouth then. Okay. So I don't know if I took the easy way out here with my number three, but I really think this is going to be a very poor teacher. Well, I, you better come up with a very good poor teacher. You're gonna lose some points on and taking it easy way out. Oh shoot. Okay. So my name number three is the wizard who were once very competent, perhaps one of the most skilled wizards in the whelm. However he has since turned into a complete drunk. So I'm not, I'm just talking about someone who's like fond of a bit of alcohol and may be a glass of wine in the evening and stuff I'm talking about.
Jesper (30m 28s):
Like somebody who's so drunk that he keeps falling on his ass all the time. You mean all the time?
Autumn (30m 37s):
Oh no. So good luck learning any magic from that guy.
Jesper (30m 40s):
Yeah. It would be like slurring his words. You said it. Yeah. You pronounce it. Like what do you correct? That would be, and what he's on about and know that I have to admit. That would be pretty. I just, yeah, I think I would be walking away going. You just know, give me, just give me your spell book and you don't deserve this. It would be horrible.
Autumn (31m 7s):
Yeah. And I've got to, you know, kind of learn anything at all from that guy. No, that, that would be a pretty bad teacher. I could see like your T your parent's like, would they set you up with this? So I was like, is this an internship or something? So we got you to the best mentor and is the famous all day long. And you find out he was like this smelly drunk idiot. He's like, oh my God. And tell your parents no, just Dell. So that'd be kind of, it'd be an interesting story you to write it. But I think I'd get tired if you watch, you didn't watch any of the cursed, which I've talked about things I didn't like about it. But they do have, when the show starts, Merlin is completely drunk himself into having no magic.
Autumn (31m 50s):
Basically actually sort of lost his magic. It's complicated, but he is, Merlin starts out is a completely drunk wizard. And I'm like, oh, that is different. Take it.
Jesper (32m 0s):
Yeah. That is different for sure. Yeah.
Autumn (32m 3s):
So very drunk wizard, but that's not what do you want to have a round? Not as a teacher, but not in general. And I get, especially if I think we talked about this before, like a, a, I think you had come up with a wizard who only can really perform magic. Like we loosened up and it was drunk. But so this is like the opposite. Can you imagine if you're at this teacher incredibly powerful magic, I'm probably drunk so much just hallucinating and still have a magical ability. So it just be just driving through a fireball. You are going to be in the middle, middle of the Tavern and he's gonna be like, oh, this was a dragon. Then shoot a fireball across the room. And there's nothing like a place.
Autumn (32m 47s):
Okay. Yeah. That is nuts. But that would be fantastic. Ways of learning. Magik you learned a run and jump really? Well. It would be in shape.
Jesper (32m 57s):
All right. Yeah. You'll you learn how to avoid magic? Not to use it very much, so.
Autumn (33m 2s):
All right. You want to hear my number three?
Jesper (33m 7s):
Okay. I'm ready. Alright.
Autumn (33m 8s):
So I think a horrible magic teacher would be a Fae any Fae because they always require bribes. They always require some kind of payment. They speak in riddles. They, as we both know, they break electronics. If you just touch it. So don't ever handle it at your cell phone. So there's a temperamental. They're impatient. I mean, you just, they're a bit elitist. You just don't want to learn from a Fae because I mean, I could see it. You'd wake up in the morning and they have grown a hedge maze that you've got a travel through to learn something that they wanna teach you. And you bought a time, you arrive in to the middle, they've heard a groan bored and went to a party.
Autumn (33m 48s):
So she, I just wouldn't want to learn from a face. And that's just a normal thing. I mean, if you think you could have a banshee as a teacher, and if they are a temperamental and angry and she's shrieks, and then you blow your air drums possibly dropped dead from a banshee and we will have those little brownie is like my Bramble. You, you know, we just covered in spine, but it really likes hugs. It's just, you just don't want to deal with Fae. You just don't go there.
Jesper (34m 19s):
No. All right. I can see that a yeah.
Autumn (34m 27s):
Hm. Oh, you're not depressed. You just don't realize, smell like loses interest.
Jesper (34m 36s):
So yeah. Yeah. But do the Fe even know how to cast mat? Do they have magic?
Autumn (34m 40s):
Yes. Most do. I think they do is sell it to fail. I know. Okay. It's more like math nature of man and nature. Magic. I am not as temperamental eye must only be partially Fey, I think. No. No. Okay. All right. So I'm gonna have a sit down and have some soul searching. Am I, what do you say?
Jesper (35m 7s):
20% off. 30% off.
Autumn (35m 10s):
Let's move on. Then I'm feeling, I'm feeling self-conscious now. Okay. All right.
Jesper (35m 19s):
So you want my number two, then you are number two.
Autumn (35m 21s):
Let's move on. I changed my mind and I, my, my number three.
Jesper (35m 28s):
Yes. Okay. My and number two is quite a character. Oh, all right. Now I have a sound clip of this guy in a second. A really, but a, let me first explain why he's such a terrible teacher. Okay. Okay. Well, first this M first traits I'm going to mention doesn't actually have anything to do with teaching a church, but it just shows why he is a really bad person. So number one, he is a horrible racist. Ooh. Number two, he is home. We phobic and three, he was extremely arrogant.
Jesper (36m 13s):
So that was, or not the best at qualities. I think we can agree. Yeah. No, I don't think I want to hangout with this person. Nope. And what makes him at a very poor teacher though, is that he is rude and he was cruel is a vindictive O and he actually enjoys humiliating, humiliating his students O that does not sound okay. Like a very healthy teacher. No. And if that's not bad enough, this will give you a hint as to which character I'm talking about. So how are you ready for us? A short, some clip here, listening.
Jesper (36m 54s):
Okay. At first he might be in St as well. So we might be insane as well, because he has an alter ego in the form of a hand puppet. So maybe now you can S sort of guess who that might be, but okay. I'm going to play the clip, but I do. So just a warning here. This guy is not appropriate for some listeners. Okay. So if you have sensitive as you want. Yeah. If you have sensitive ears and if you want too, then please just skip 30 seconds a head on your podcast app now, and then for the rest of us, a buckle in 'cause a, here we go.
Character Voice (37m 40s):
All right, kids. It is now my job to teach you the theory of evolution. Now, I, for one thing, that evolution is a bunch of bull crap, but I've been told after, teach it anyway, was thought of a by Charles Darwin. It, it goes something like this. In the beginning, we were all fish, okay. Swimming around in the water. And then one day a couple of fish had a retard baby, and the retard baby was different. So we got to laugh. So retard, fish, it goes on to make more retard babies. And then one day a retard, baby fish crawled out of the ocean with its mutant fish hands. And it had, but sex with a squirrel or something and made this retard, frogs squirrel.
Character Voice (38m 24s):
And then that has a retard baby, which was monkey fish frog. And then this monkey fish frog had, but sex with that and monkey, and that monkey add a mutant retard, baby. It screwed another. And that made you, so there you go. All right. A part of an offspring, a five monkeys having a butt sex with a fish squirrel, congratulate who does this
Autumn (38m 55s):
Actually totally lost it at first. I thought I knew, but now I'm just completely confusing. It just too shocked, I think is just my brain would into a meltdown, a lockdown mode going just, no. So please, Melissa.
Character Voice (39m 12s):
It's Mr. Garrison from south puck.
Autumn (39m 15s):
Oh, geez. Okay. So that's going way back. I have not watched Southpark for a very long time, but now that you said that it's there on my memory is extremely shitty teaching. You really don't want this lunatic teaching any magic.
Jesper (39m 34s):
No, I also would hate to imagine you would learn any thing other than just a sheer lawsuit, a bill.
Autumn (39m 47s):
So yeah, no, he wouldn't last long at the magical academy. I would hope.
Jesper (39m 55s):
Oh no. Can you imagine him? He has a teacher. If it were magic, that was to be a nightmare. So that's my number two. All right.
Autumn (40m 3s):
Well that's that is legitimately have a pretty horrible teacher. All right. I will. Now my number too is slightly complicated. So you are going to have to stick with me on this one.
Jesper (40m 15s):
Okay. Okay. Okay.
Autumn (40m 16s):
So it's sort of a simple concept, but a, so you're a teacher is actually going to be a wizard that is traveling it through time, in the reverse direction you are to him, it's forward. But to also, it would be a backward. So the last time you meet him, which is the first time he'll meet you is you are gonna be at your most powerful. And he's going to be like, I'm doing what I have to teach you. What I tomorrow, you're going to know Les. So I have to teach you this spell you're doing now tomorrow. Right? So, but the first time you meet him, he's going to have been teaching you a for 20 or 30 years and being like, don't worry, you don't understand it. Now you'll get it. And like five days, it don't worry about it.
Autumn (40m 58s):
So it's just going to be complicated. Or you can make it really complicated that you actually teach him magic until you switch. And then he is teaching you the magic. You taught him later. So it becomes this infinity loop. That's just going to blow your mind.
Jesper (41m 16s):
My brain is on fire.
Autumn (41m 20s):
Glad I could help you out.
Jesper (41m 21s):
How is that? Even gonna work?
Autumn (41m 25s):
Its magic. Why not?
Jesper (41m 28s):
But the first time, the first time did you meet him? He will think that you already know everything. There is no reason to teach you. How so? How do you even get to the end where you actually learned anything? Because you will never teach it to you.
Autumn (41m 40s):
Well, he will have it to you for 20 years. So he'll know to you. It will be the first day. It would be like, oh my God, I don't know who you are. What are you talking about? Magic. And he's going to be like, look, I'm going to be your teacher for the next 30 years. Just get ready. You're going to tell you, you got to figure this out. I'll be back tomorrow. So you're gonna be like twice as a annoyed because just like, oh, I don't understand this. So I think he's gotta be all sappy because it's gonna be the last day he's ever gonna see you. So in to you, it's just the first day. You're all going to see. And it's just going to be really crazy. It'll be fairly fine in the middle. Maybe we not.
Jesper (42m 19s):
So he is, he is aware that he is traveling in the opposite direction in time.
Autumn (42m 24s):
He knows that. Yes, he knows it. So it, you just got to him its forward. But tell us is backward is timeline just goes into reverse compared to the way we see time.
Jesper (42m 35s):
So he's also getting younger.
Autumn (42m 37s):
I don't know. I didn't figure that one out. I guess. No, he'd be aging because he, to him, it says forward time. So guess it's backwards at him. It's forward.
Jesper (42m 48s):
Oh my God, my brain can't even comprehend. How does that work? Is this too complicated?
Autumn (42m 54s):
All of them. I thought it wasn't. I had to days of 12 hours of nothing but rain.
Jesper (43m 3s):
Okay. But you mentioned a cabin fever before a, now I start seeing the symptoms.
Autumn (43m 8s):
Yes. Coming up with teachers who are traveling backwards in time. And especially when I thought of the loop where actually your teaching him magic. When you, when you, when he first meets U and then eventually you switched and he was actually teaching you the magic. You taught him. And it's just this lovely, infinite loop of who actually knew magic first because yeah, go figure that one out.
Jesper (43m 34s):
No, I can't. I still can't figure out how are you going to learn anything, but okay. Well, it, exactly, this was supposed to be worst possible to a person to teach you a magic. Yeah, you, yeah, you mind. But it's like when I was the Terminator movies, that was the same thing all day.
Autumn (43m 57s):
I can get into a rabbit hole of trying to figure out, but how is this even working? So if they destroyed a microchip in moving up a two, how did it move it? Number one ever happened so I could get completely sucked in to it. So you're overthinking it. That's all right. Let's just agree. It is a hole Teeter and we will move on it.
Jesper (44m 19s):
It, it is a bad teacher for sure.
Autumn (44m 22s):
Yes. Okay, great. Excellent. I can agree to that. All right.
Jesper (44m 27s):
Okay, good. So you ready to go on to my top one? So our number one, so yes, I'm ready. And this one is sort of in the same vein as your dragon. It is not a dragon, but it, it, is it the same wane in this sense that this team is also incredibly cool and would probably honestly be a very awesome teacher in some regard, but also incredibly dangerous.
Autumn (45m 4s):
Hmm. Okay. So like a dragon, but not a dragon. Okay. Not a dragon.
Jesper (45m 8s):
No. And I have a recording of his voice here. All right. So I'm going to play in and then see if you can guess who this is. Okay. All right. So far I haven't gotten any of the gasses, so we have to say no. And that's why I like to keep putting a questions for you. You can't get it. So, I mean, okay, here we go.
Character Voice (45m 56s):
Jesper (45m 57s):
That was not his voice. Then that is yours.
Autumn (46m 6s):
It might have been a bit weird. There's this voice it at the dog. Is it like, what is it the, you said is the voice of it and set off my dog. We are going to go with that. He was like, what the heck? I must protect you from this thing and need indeed.
Jesper (46m 20s):
Yeah. So it took a few hints. You feel lost?
Autumn (46m 23s):
I had a few hints. Oh. It's like, I wouldn't normally have thought is a dragon. That was actually the immediately as a small gun like that. It's not a dragon or is it Soren? Is the, okay. So not as a dragon though. All right.
Jesper (46m 35s):
Okay. A hint, number one, he's also known as the necromancer. Is that help? No. What I mean, is it narrows down the potential list?
Autumn (46m 48s):
Okay. And this, but obviously I have a one more week. All right.
Jesper (46m 51s):
Yes. Yes. It has been a movie. That's correct. All right. What's the next 10 is the next time. It is. What do you just heard was the blacks speech of model. So that is like sarin or S M if not, so you can't think as a whole,
Autumn (47m 9s):
but yeah, I knew it was a Lord of the rings or at least.
Jesper (47m 13s):
Okay. Okay. All right. You didn't get that. All right. So which, which one is it from Laura of the rings? How you gonna make me go back and watch the installer? Or is it,
Autumn (47m 20s):
I said it was Saren you didn't say yes. A
Jesper (47m 27s):
ll right. So we, yeah. OK. In a roundabout way, I guess, but a, I will replay the clip. I said what?
Autumn (47m 35s):
I said, I thought it was small. And then I thought, okay, it's not a dragon. It's Saren so I will reply. I got it. And then just say it. Okay.
Jesper (47m 43s):
So maybe I talked over you then. Okay, fine. Okay. Then you're guested, but this guy is definitely can teach you a lot. It will also end in your own doom. Yeah. He will suck out your soul. Yeah. Yeah. Toll can actually set that absolute evil couldn't exist, but he then stated that sovereign came S Neah to a wholly evil we'll ask what's possible.
Autumn (48m 11s):
Wow. Talk and set that. So do you want that guy to teach you not without a lot of magical protection and even then it'd be pretty desperate that it would be a really, yeah. I like my soul too much to want to have Saraj. And it was my, my, my instructor, but talk about learning. Darke magical. Art's you would be like a rockstar this, but that's what I mean. Right. In terms of how he probably could teach you a lot.
Jesper (48m 38s):
And that sense, he was probably an awesome teacher, but yeah. You're gonna get sucked into darkness. Buy doing it. Yeah, probably. Yeah, you do. If you wanted it to be eval, it, it would probably be a good fit. But since he's a mortal, you're never going to take his place and it's just not going to end well at all.
Autumn (49m 2s):
No, not really.
Jesper (49m 2s):
And in that sense, it's it's, I would say maybe it was, is, it is a bit worst than the dragon, because it's a dragon you just get killed. How do you have to shuffle for eternity the way through all of this stuff? Yeah. Yeah. That would be a pretty bad. So that is a very good number one. I will admit it's hard and soft and I was pretty much a Trump card for that was like saying Darth Vader was going to teach you the Force. So you're like, well, is there you go? Yeah. He tells you a kill all this pupils, but you, if you survive, you will be great.
Autumn (49m 36s):
Yeah, exactly. Alright. Well, I don't know what is a pretty good it is. I still have the dragon though. So I think we're pretty even. So you wanna hear my number one?
Jesper (49m 45s):
Autumn (49m 46s):
All right. Here it, so this is a sort of actually along the lines of one of yours, but it's a sorceress that isn't good at explaining things, but is it a really good at demonstrating? She just loves to demonstrate. So you could imagine her coming in, in and going, okay. Class' today. We are going to learn to turn that attacker into a slime mold volunteers, and someone would always have to be the victim to get turned into whatever warts POCs, but you know, curses, exes that are being demonstrated that day. And I mean, if I was at a class, I would just live in fear of the day. You actually get to the ones that could possibly kill you.
Autumn (50m 27s):
And her were like, I would like to volunteer for the death spell and the reincarnation when right after slate of next semester, we learned, we will keep you a card technically frozen until then would be like, oh, I know you could imagine when your parents permission slip for her.
Jesper (50m 57s):
Oh yeah. And then if there is no volunteers, she will pick somebody at random.
Autumn (51m 1s):
So that's what a good teacher always does. It just goes in the one who is sliding in the back. The closest thing. No, I don't look at me and Lisa, not me, not me, but again, so that it is my number one. I just think she would then be bad, a horrible teacher to learn from it. It would, I would the anxiety of going to a class with that kind of a teacher and with magic, we would just be a teacher. I think I'd crack. Definitely I'd run away.
Jesper (51m 39s):
Yeah, pretty much. So I think just like a, it, it looks like both our lists, most of it will just get you killed basically.
Autumn (51m 47s):
So you had soul sucking for your number one, but yeah, you have pretty much any of this as this either. You're not going to learn magic or you're going to die learning magic.
Jesper (51m 59s):
Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. I struggle to see which lists is the worse, to be honest.
Autumn (52m 5s):
And I kind of agree. These are a pro thought is, is a pretty bad top 10 list. I have to do it. I would not want to learn from Sorin, but there is pretty much any of this. Like I said, like this a sorceress you likes to demonstrate. I mean, I could just imagine going to class everyday was a teacher you hated that would potentially turn you into something nasty and hopefully turn you back.
Jesper (52m 27s):
I mean, can you imagine acting out in her class, what she would do to you? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Even a, a hundred, like Mr. Garrison, what did you, you, if you didn't listen to what he said.
Autumn (52m 45s):
Yeah. And especially is lack of passion for teaching this subject. Well, would just kind of end in frustration. I think.
Jesper (52m 58s):
Yeah. I don't believe in magic at all, but they tell me I have to teach it to you. Is that so I will so open your books. We're going to then, oh, shoot it. Just get rid of the books. I hit his books. You just keep going. Yeah. And then, oh, well, yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. So I don't know who won this one.
Autumn (53m 17s):
No, this was actually a pretty good, I think again, we'll have to leave it up to the listeners and they will have to let us know who had the best list since you want it to be the whole list. I still think dragon, but then sarin, they're pretty evil in this time.
Jesper (53m 34s):
A siren and beets a dragon. But then, but yes, he does. He, he can, he could kill a dragon by snapping is finger.
Autumn (53m 44s):
Hmm. I don't know. Maybe.
Jesper (53m 47s):
Yeah, for sure. But the, the V but the problem is the rest of the list there. I'm not quite sure which one is the best. So we just go by your rules. So that is only about the best in the list then I one, but you, you, you said that a, you trusted me in the fact that I was remembering correctly. That is about the entire list. That's what you said it, and therefore I'm not too sure who won, but do you want to contradict that you, that I was wrong and it was not about the entire list and it was only about the best one on it. A, I want to contradict that. I will say we agreed to the ground rules for this one was only about the whole list.
Autumn (54m 29s):
I have to go back and check on the earlier a podcast on the worst list. But so this one, we set it up. That is the whole list. And I don't think we can change it at this point, unfortunately. So, and they're both pretty even lists. I'm not sure who's going to be the winter. We'll have to flip a coin and hope it's not a magic coin. That's been hexed so that the winner gets the worst. I'm not sure.
Jesper (54m 57s):
No. Okay. So next Monday we are going back into writing and we'll, she has some great tips
Narrator (55m 2s):
On how you all right. Well, simple as that. And then looking forward to it. If you like, what you just heard, there's a few things you can do to SUPPORT THE AM WRITING FANTASY PODCAST. Please tell a fellow author about the show and visit us at Apple podcast and leave a rating and review. You can also join Autumn and Jesper on patrion.com/and Writing fantasy for as little as a dollar a month. You'll get awesome rewards and keep The Am Writing Fantasy Podcast, going, stay safe out there and see you next Monday.